Wednesday, September 16, 2009

another random post

It's been way too long since my last blog. Blogs are tricky creatures-- or at least for me they are. I find it hard to write anything without attaching my feelings, thoughts, and passion. Yet blogs are out there for the whole world to gaze at. Attach a ministry title to yourself and you realize that what you are feeling and thinking cannot always be passionately released for all to absorb.

I say all that to say that for months I have found the idea of blogging to exhausting and have all together avoided it. I do not know if I'll keep this blog up or not. The next couple of weeks will be filled with high school and junior high football games, tailgating ministry, studying, 10 year class reunion, and catching up on a heap of work.

Monday, March 9, 2009

new blog post

Basketball season, youth drama productions, and a whirlwind of spiritual warfare has filled my days since my last post. In many ways, it would be easier to let silence continue to hover over this blog spot. Partly for entertainment purposes and partly for personal motivation, I'm making an effort to put something down. Here's a few thoughts that have gone through my mind lately:

1. I like it when people call me friend or buddy. It has a kind and personal touch that makes me feel special.
2. I don't think I'll ever grow tired of drinking sweet tea.
3. It hurts when you tell people that you love them and they don't say it back.
4. Garden grown tomatoes are awesome, and anyone that plans on growing some this summer would bring joy to my life by sharing with me.
5. I can't believe I'm about to turn 28. I think 27 was the last cool birthday party. 28 and 29 are such random numbers... and let's not even start to think of 30...

Thursday, February 12, 2009

a beautiful reminder

Last night was a beautiful reminder of the power of prayer and God's skill at using us when we are at our weakest. Lately I have been battling fatigue and spiritual warfare, and by the time I reached this week's GroundZero I was full of dread. Normally I would characterize GroundZero, our weekly youth worship time, as the highlight of my week. The previous mentioned battles, however, had me feeling zapped of all energy and overall reluctant to stand before a room full of youth and youth leaders.

Before rounding up our praise team to do my weekly routine of praying over them and their time of leading us in music, I grabbed a couple of friends and asked them to pray over me. After they spent a few minutes praying with me, I headed out with the praise team. I took a deep breath as to say "here we go" and begin the weekly prayer time. As I begin to pray, I felt that strength and movement inside of me that can only be credited and described as the Holy Spirit. As my mouth moved, the words that flowed seemed to not be my own and I knew that God was in control.

God filled me with the energy I needed and was faithful to give me the word's needed to deliver the weekly devotion. I cannot measure last night's success in the absence of public decisions or by the absence of complements. Humanly, we think that those two things are the mark of "a good service." Instead, I have to acknowledge what God did in me last night and remember that the results are not up to me. Trusting that God is at work can be difficult when we cannot measure it in the tangible form we hope for. But when we are willing to take our blinders off, we see His beautiful reminders...

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

rambling about a banner

I've made numerous attempts at blogging since my last post, but a combination of fatigue and the feeling of a lack of something worth saying always ended my attempt. Perhaps I have come across something that is worth drawing attention to. Hopefully I will be able to fight off this unusual fatigue I've been facing to finish this post!

While reading an online article, I came across a very intriguing and yet very sad banner. The banner read "Since the start of the Iraq war 7,630,472 American children have died to abortion." I could instantly see the tree hugging, antiwar liberals bawling their eyes out at one of their "don't cut down our trees" or "stop the war!" protest. (I'll be sure to post a link later as to what exactly i'm talking about with the trees.) Yet these same people-- passionate about the cause to save the environment and end the shedding of blood in foreign countries-- fight for a woman to have the power to choose what she wants to happen to her own body, even when this results in the dealth of a child.

But before I get too busy pointing fingers at people who have been blinded by "the god of this world," I should first point the finger at myself and my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. Abortion is very wrong, and those that fight to keep it legal no doubt will have a price to pay. We must remember, however, that those who have not come to know the love of God cannot begin to value His word. But what about those of us who do know the love of God?

Most Christians will agree that abortion is wrong; the lines are blurred for some on determining if there is ever a case, such as rape, where it is permitted. I'm not even going to attempt to hammer away on that one. God's word is clear, and we either except all or none. While I am concerned that we do not do enough to save unborn lives, my bigger concern is that we do not value human life as a whole.

How many homes have been destroyed since the start of the "dreadful war that we must end" due to pornography? Oh, we say that pornography is horrible in one breath but we then attempt to excuse it in another stating that "it's just a normal thing that every guy does." Do we stop to realize how valuable the life of those people being exploded really is? Do we take this in to consideration when we fork out money to buy tickets to rated R movies that feed our nation's thirst for nudity and sexual content?

What about suicide? How many teenagers have ended thier lives since the start of the war because they felt rejected, abandoned, or not good enough? Do we teach our youth to set an example in speech and love and to value everyone, or do we laugh it off when they are making fun of "that nerd in class." The examples could go on for days.

Perhaps we all-- myself included--need to step back and remember what Christ summed up to be the greatest command: Love God, love others. Mark 12:28-31

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Some unusual venting

Want to know what really puts a bur under my saddle? No? Well too bad as this happens to be my blog.

It amazes me how during the super bowl and college bowl games, a nation of non football fans seems to rise around me. These people do not experience the gut wrenching agony of following a team's ups and downs through out the season. They do not invest any time or effort in to following statics, rankings, or anything that would classify them into the mildest category of a football fan. Yet when "the big game" kicks off, they take some misguiding information from bias sports commentators and develop an opinion as to "who the better team is." This is always the team picked to win by the previously mentioned bias sports commentators. And when that team wins, they gloat and rub it in in the nastiest, most undignified way.

Why is this so nasty and undignified? Because they have not earned an opinion in the matter. Watching one game a year does not qualify you as an expert on the matter, nor does it give you the benefit to rub it in as those fellow rivals that battle it out with you week after week, season after season. To some, it's a stupid boring game only worth watching when "the commercials are good." To others of us, it is a fine art and only those of us who belong to the family of true football fans earn the right to rag each other.

Now, with that said. No, I do not believe you should root for the Cardinals and Kurt Warner JUST because he is a Christian. But unless you fall in to that fine art appreciating, bear it all season I previously mentioned, do not criticize my sadness over Kurt's loss.

Kurt, you had an amazing year. You were written off as long gone and in much need of retirement, and yet you guided your team to the Super Bowl. No, your team did not get to come home with a ring. But you did prove to be one of the two best teams in the game by simply earning your way into the Super Bowl. I love to see Eli Manning play, but Kurt will always be my favorite quarterback!!

Monday, January 26, 2009

The Big D-- and I DO mean Dallas

I can now mark one more state off my list in order to reach my goal of visiting all 50. With a good bit of cleverness and a bit of work, I managed to surprise Paul with a short weekend trip to Dallas this past weekend. Seeing new scenery while putting all of our "to-do" lists on hold proved to be quite refreshing. I will have to confess that I did perhaps eat a slight bit more than I should have being that I'm on a mission fundraiser diet called "Don't Feed the Staff." While I found myself to be a fan of the variety of eating establishments and specialty shops the area offers, I do not foresee myself signing up to battle the traffic there on any regular basis.

Returning home late Saturday evening meant plunging into Sunday prep. God has blessed me with an opportunity to serve in a great ministry. I do not always feel adequate... in fact, I often feel lacking. Yet God constantly reminds me that He is our strength, and when He calls He equips. It seems as if January has flown by and there is so much to do in the coming weeks and months! One important challenge is just learning to take things one day at a time and experience the lessons and blessing God has knitted into each of those days. That's a bit hard for me-- a constantly anxious person, always looking to what's ahead-- but I continue to learn to do this with the help of some great people God has placed in my life. My wonderful husband is at the top of that list, always reminding me to be patient and take things one day at a time.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Dazed and Confused

It's no huge surprise that I tend to drift into my own little world, forgetting significant details like where I am and what exactly it is that I'm doing. I need no help in derailing my train of thought, but inevitably I gain access to situations that help knock the old through process of course.

Wait... where was I going with this?? No seriously!!! OH... the other day at Walmart! I decide yesterday afternoon to make a quick trip to Walmart to pick up a few items. Walmart has a sort of... zombie-ish effect on my state of mind. When alone, I tend to wonder through the store emotionless and thoughtless. I somehow manage to gather the item or two I came in to get, but I usually have no memory of how these items came about entering my hands. (Hey! Maybe that's why I get so many funny looks when I'm in walmart...

I manage to pay for the items I had gathered and started toward my Mazda Tribute to hurry home. Only, there is one problem. I didn't come in the Mazda because it is still in the shop. I'm in a rental, but of course I don't remember this. I make my best attempt to not look stupid as I cris-cross through the isles, looking for my transportation. I manage to do so rather nonchalantly and spot the black Impala. Now it should not be so hard for me to head from where I am standing to where I see the Impala... right?

Yet somehow in the 20 odd steps or so I took, I managed to enter la la land again and walk right past the rental to some other black car. (I think it was a Camry) After a few tries at the door, I realize that I am at the wrong car and try to calmly walk away, further down the isle. I walk past the last car realizing that I have somehow managed to lose the Impala all together, yet I am still doing my best to look cool and aware. As I turn around to see I had past the Impala several cars before the Camry, I realized that a concerned citizen had been watching all of this as she loaded her car. I want to ease the lady's mind and make light of my embarrassment, so I grin at her and say "Stupid rental. Get's me every time!"

She offered a phony smile and continue to watch me as I got in the car and drove off. As I drove off, I wondered if I should consider a "don't go to walmart alone" policy.

And yes... I just took 10 minutes of your time to tell you that I'm a moron who can't remember where I park.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Passion

Give me one pure and holy passion
Give me on magnificent obsession
Give me one glorious ambition for my life
To know and follow hard after You

To know and follow hard after you
To grow as your disciple in your truth
This world is empty, pale, and poor
Compared to knowing you, my Lord
Lead me on and I will run after you

I first heard the words to "One Pure and Holy Passion" about seven years ago as a bright eyed college student, full of both enthusiasm to know and worship intimately with God and a realization of strongholds in my life that threatened the ability to do just that. In countless ways, this song captured the depths of my situation and became my cry to God.

My mother has often described me as a passionate person. If I am in something, I am in it with my whole heart. My emotions for love and hate can be explosive and electrifying. If I discover a new interest, it does not take long for me to be a full fledged passionate fan. For instance, I had never held any interest in NASCAR. If anything, I found the "sport" to be redneck and pointless. Yet through environmental changes in my life and the presence of some NASCAR fans that I found myself to be rather fond of, I took an impressive interest. "Boogity Boogity!"

While I do not have the years of following the sport as my dear sweet husband, even he is quick to tell you that it is possible that I become more passionate about seeing certain drivers win and certain drivers lose than fans of many years. Why? It's my nature to be passionate! Ask anyone who has ever witnessed me watch a football game or heard me talk about a particular brand of clothes, guitars, or coffee and they will testify to this.

I'm not sure what happened between the time I was a bright eyed college student and today, but I find myself struggling more and more with a lack of passion for that sweet intimate relationship I once sought... well, passionately. Even then, when I realized there were strongholds and other passions that were not pure and were empty, pale, and poor in comparison to a passion for Christ, I still held a pursuit that seems in some ways to have faded these last seven years.

Why is it so easy to be passionate about a sports team or pursuing earthly treasures and yet so hard at times to be passionate about our prayer life and being obedient to God's word? The lyrics of this praise song have once again reminded me that all of these other passions are so empty and poor in comparison to what a passionate pursuit of God provides.

I want to be a Jesus aficionado, a sold out fan of His commands, and a disciple that follows hard after Him.

Monday, January 19, 2009

celebrating and thanks giving

Everyone loves a Cinderella story. With that said, how 'bout them Cardinals! I remember three of four years ago saying, "I just wish Kurt could get one more Super Bowl!" And now, with a team that no one thought would EVER make it... at an age that is old for a quarterback... the grocery store bag boy turned pro QB is getting another trip to the ultimate football championship game.. THE SUPER BOWL!!

Ok, I could go on and on for days, but I will discontinue my football ramblings while I still can. I've very appreciative for all the prayers that have gone up for me, my friends, and my family. Things have been crazy lately, but I am reminded that we must face test in life in order to grow. I have heaps of growing still left to do, so I will strive to be thankful for the trials and test.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

I just read a rather interesting quote by that famous writer "anonymous"

"The road to success is always under construction."

That's an interested thought for the day!

Monday, January 12, 2009

Welcome to 2009. Fasten your seatbelts, please!

Sometimes things happen that you just cannot blog about, and sometimes things happen that you just do not WANT to blog about. With that said, the easiest route for me would be to make a few ramblings about how disappointed I am that the Giants lost in the playoffs and throw in a verse or two for good measure. While I cannot say everything that is on my mind, I will attempt to stretch myself and shed a bit of honesty.

This year has not started by any means the way I had anticipated. Feeling a bit dry toward the end of '08, I set my sights on an exciting 2009. I begin thinking of all the great things we would do this year at church with the student ministry. I was so confident that a fresh burst of energy would arise after the holidays, I even calculated a few long awaited personal projects into the equation.

Somehow, my body did not get the message that it was to miraculously refuel itself as 2008 drifted into history and 2009 rolled in. I've marched in to this new year with the same fatigue I was battling at the end of last year. With it, I have also encountered a fender bender that will take time out of my growing busy schedule, doctor's appointments, and a very emotional funeral.

Normally, this is when I realize I need to step back and ask "What is God trying to teach me?" I think, perhaps, the greatest way I could expand that is to actually ask myself "What am I learning?" That could take several days-- maybe weeks-- to answer with everything that is going through my mind. For now, I realize that I am still struggling with many of the issues I have often battling. Somewhere between my head and my heart is a kink in the system, and in that kink I cannot seem to deliver the concept that God is more than capable and willing to meet my every need.

I really miss the friendships and support system I had in Mississippi. Being back there this past week reminded me how precious it really is to my life. I need that same system here, and it seems that the more I desire it-- the harder it becomes to find it. I then begin expecting things from people that are simply not aware of the need. In the midst, I forget to acknowledge that God knows these needs and desires me to cast these burdens into His capable hands.

So did I mention that I am bummed about the Giants not going to the Superbowl.....

Saturday, January 3, 2009

A Call for Prayer

I want to ask anyone who comes across this to pray for my cousin Jessica and her family, especially her newborn son Jonah.

Jonah is a little over a week old and is ICU at a Memphis children's hospital. From what I understand from second hand information is that there was a hole between his intestines and his stomach, which the doctors discovered after he had been pretty sick for a few days. They did surgery to temporarily repair it. Now he has gotten an infection and is getting worse. The family has already been through a lot and I cannot imagine how painful and confusing this has to be for them. I know they appreciate knowing that people are praying for them!