The Big D-- and I DO mean Dallas

I can now mark one more state off my list in order to reach my goal of visiting all 50. With a good bit of cleverness and a bit of work, I managed to surprise Paul with a short weekend trip to Dallas this past weekend. Seeing new scenery while putting all of our "to-do" lists on hold proved to be quite refreshing. I will have to confess that I did perhaps eat a slight bit more than I should have being that I'm on a mission fundraiser diet called "Don't Feed the Staff." While I found myself to be a fan of the variety of eating establishments and specialty shops the area offers, I do not foresee myself signing up to battle the traffic there on any regular basis.

Returning home late Saturday evening meant plunging into Sunday prep. God has blessed me with an opportunity to serve in a great ministry. I do not always feel adequate... in fact, I often feel lacking. Yet God constantly reminds me that He is our strength, and when He calls He equips. It seems as if January has flown by and there is so much to do in the coming weeks and months! One important challenge is just learning to take things one day at a time and experience the lessons and blessing God has knitted into each of those days. That's a bit hard for me-- a constantly anxious person, always looking to what's ahead-- but I continue to learn to do this with the help of some great people God has placed in my life. My wonderful husband is at the top of that list, always reminding me to be patient and take things one day at a time.

Dazed and Confused

It's no huge surprise that I tend to drift into my own little world, forgetting significant details like where I am and what exactly it is that I'm doing. I need no help in derailing my train of thought, but inevitably I gain access to situations that help knock the old through process of course.

Wait... where was I going with this?? No seriously!!! OH... the other day at Walmart! I decide yesterday afternoon to make a quick trip to Walmart to pick up a few items. Walmart has a sort of... zombie-ish effect on my state of mind. When alone, I tend to wonder through the store emotionless and thoughtless. I somehow manage to gather the item or two I came in to get, but I usually have no memory of how these items came about entering my hands. (Hey! Maybe that's why I get so many funny looks when I'm in walmart...

I manage to pay for the items I had gathered and started toward my Mazda Tribute to hurry home. Only, there is one problem. I didn't come in the Mazda because it is still in the shop. I'm in a rental, but of course I don't remember this. I make my best attempt to not look stupid as I cris-cross through the isles, looking for my transportation. I manage to do so rather nonchalantly and spot the black Impala. Now it should not be so hard for me to head from where I am standing to where I see the Impala... right?

Yet somehow in the 20 odd steps or so I took, I managed to enter la la land again and walk right past the rental to some other black car. (I think it was a Camry) After a few tries at the door, I realize that I am at the wrong car and try to calmly walk away, further down the isle. I walk past the last car realizing that I have somehow managed to lose the Impala all together, yet I am still doing my best to look cool and aware. As I turn around to see I had past the Impala several cars before the Camry, I realized that a concerned citizen had been watching all of this as she loaded her car. I want to ease the lady's mind and make light of my embarrassment, so I grin at her and say "Stupid rental. Get's me every time!"

She offered a phony smile and continue to watch me as I got in the car and drove off. As I drove off, I wondered if I should consider a "don't go to walmart alone" policy.

And yes... I just took 10 minutes of your time to tell you that I'm a moron who can't remember where I park.

Passion

Give me one pure and holy passion
Give me on magnificent obsession
Give me one glorious ambition for my life
To know and follow hard after You
To know and follow hard after you
To grow as your disciple in your truth
This world is empty, pale, and poor
Compared to knowing you, my Lord
Lead me on and I will run after you

I first heard the words to "One Pure and Holy Passion" about seven years ago as a bright eyed college student, full of both enthusiasm to know and worship intimately with God and a realization of strongholds in my life that threatened the ability to do just that. In countless ways, this song captured the depths of my situation and became my cry to God.

My mother has often described me as a passionate person. If I am in something, I am in it with my whole heart. My emotions for love and hate can be explosive and electrifying. If I discover a new interest, it does not take long for me to be a full fledged passionate fan. For instance, I had never held any interest in NASCAR. If anything, I found the "sport" to be redneck and pointless. Yet through environmental changes in my life and the presence of some NASCAR fans that I found myself to be rather fond of, I took an impressive interest. "Boogity Boogity!"

While I do not have the years of following the sport as my dear sweet husband, even he is quick to tell you that it is possible that I become more passionate about seeing certain drivers win and certain drivers lose than fans of many years. Why? It's my nature to be passionate! Ask anyone who has ever witnessed me watch a football game or heard me talk about a particular brand of clothes, guitars, or coffee and they will testify to this.

I'm not sure what happened between the time I was a bright eyed college student and today, but I find myself struggling more and more with a lack of passion for that sweet intimate relationship I once sought... well, passionately. Even then, when I realized there were strongholds and other passions that were not pure and were empty, pale, and poor in comparison to a passion for Christ, I still held a pursuit that seems in some ways to have faded these last seven years.

Why is it so easy to be passionate about a sports team or pursuing earthly treasures and yet so hard at times to be passionate about our prayer life and being obedient to God's word? The lyrics of this praise song have once again reminded me that all of these other passions are so empty and poor in comparison to what a passionate pursuit of God provides.

I want to be a Jesus aficionado, a sold out fan of His commands, and a disciple that follows hard after Him.

celebrating and thanks giving

Everyone loves a Cinderella story. With that said, how 'bout them Cardinals! I remember three of four years ago saying, "I just wish Kurt could get one more Super Bowl!" And now, with a team that no one thought would EVER make it... at an age that is old for a quarterback... the grocery store bag boy turned pro QB is getting another trip to the ultimate football championship game.. THE SUPER BOWL!!

Ok, I could go on and on for days, but I will discontinue my football ramblings while I still can. I've very appreciative for all the prayers that have gone up for me, my friends, and my family. Things have been crazy lately, but I am reminded that we must face test in life in order to grow. I have heaps of growing still left to do, so I will strive to be thankful for the trials and test.

I just read a rather interesting quote by that famous writer "anonymous"

"The road to success is always under construction."

That's an interested thought for the day!

Welcome to 2009. Fasten your seatbelts, please!

Sometimes things happen that you just cannot blog about, and sometimes things happen that you just do not WANT to blog about. With that said, the easiest route for me would be to make a few ramblings about how disappointed I am that the Giants lost in the playoffs and throw in a verse or two for good measure. While I cannot say everything that is on my mind, I will attempt to stretch myself and shed a bit of honesty.

This year has not started by any means the way I had anticipated. Feeling a bit dry toward the end of '08, I set my sights on an exciting 2009. I begin thinking of all the great things we would do this year at church with the student ministry. I was so confident that a fresh burst of energy would arise after the holidays, I even calculated a few long awaited personal projects into the equation.

Somehow, my body did not get the message that it was to miraculously refuel itself as 2008 drifted into history and 2009 rolled in. I've marched in to this new year with the same fatigue I was battling at the end of last year. With it, I have also encountered a fender bender that will take time out of my growing busy schedule, doctor's appointments, and a very emotional funeral.

Normally, this is when I realize I need to step back and ask "What is God trying to teach me?" I think, perhaps, the greatest way I could expand that is to actually ask myself "What am I learning?" That could take several days-- maybe weeks-- to answer with everything that is going through my mind. For now, I realize that I am still struggling with many of the issues I have often battling. Somewhere between my head and my heart is a kink in the system, and in that kink I cannot seem to deliver the concept that God is more than capable and willing to meet my every need.

I really miss the friendships and support system I had in Mississippi. Being back there this past week reminded me how precious it really is to my life. I need that same system here, and it seems that the more I desire it-- the harder it becomes to find it. I then begin expecting things from people that are simply not aware of the need. In the midst, I forget to acknowledge that God knows these needs and desires me to cast these burdens into His capable hands.

So did I mention that I am bummed about the Giants not going to the Superbowl.....

A Call for Prayer

I want to ask anyone who comes across this to pray for my cousin Jessica and her family, especially her newborn son Jonah.

Jonah is a little over a week old and is ICU at a Memphis children's hospital. From what I understand from second hand information is that there was a hole between his intestines and his stomach, which the doctors discovered after he had been pretty sick for a few days. They did surgery to temporarily repair it. Now he has gotten an infection and is getting worse. The family has already been through a lot and I cannot imagine how painful and confusing this has to be for them. I know they appreciate knowing that people are praying for them!